Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
