Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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