I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
