We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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