Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
