The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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