My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
