Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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