OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
