I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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