She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
