Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
