This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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