You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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