you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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