You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
