I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
