kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
