Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
