Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
