where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
