So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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