The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
