you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We need to feng shui this bitch.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize