I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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