why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
