We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
