Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
