never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
