Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
