Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
