We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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