***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
