Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
