Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
