i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
