I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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