let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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