why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
