Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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