Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
