also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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