highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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