it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
