I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
