bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
