I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
