I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
