So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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