Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
