i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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