the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
