had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
