Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize