I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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