sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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