That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you traded sex for a burrito?
Even my vagina gasped.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
