If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
