Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize