Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
