When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
