i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
