This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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