Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
