His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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