I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
