I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
