i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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