After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
