Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
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