I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize