There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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