He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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