I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
ttyl tear gas
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
