Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
