Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
