I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
