pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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