My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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