I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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