Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
that is very illegal...i love you.
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