its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
