im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize