threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
