I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
