i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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