I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
