if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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