eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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