Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
