I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
