I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
