But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Small penises have feelings too.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
