I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
