We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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